One of the most excellent things that have come out of this season’s Modern Family is this – Phil’s-osophy. As Phil Dunphy himself puts it – A hardbound collection of all the life lessons I’ve learned, such as…

“Always look people in the eye,”even if they’re blind. Just say, I’m looking you in the eye.”

We’ve got more of those after the jump. And of course, screenshots and GIFs to accompany.

 

And here they are in written form:

• “When you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhoea.”
• “Take a lesson from the parakeets. If you are very lonely, just eat in front of the mirror.”
• “Never be afraid to reach for the stars. Because even if you fall, you will always be wearing a Parent-chute.”
• “Marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed.”
• “Older black ladies make the best iced tea.”
• “Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.”
• “You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.”
• “Watch a sunrise at least once a day.”
• “If you love someone, set it free, unless it is a tiger.”
• “If you are ever in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.”
• “When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like “What?!”“